Football

Old Trafford: From the Theatre of Dreams to the Theatre of Draws

A typical Sunday morning for the Manchester United fans consists of waking up with a severe headache.  The sunlight on your skin feeling like it is melting you down into pool of sweat. The dreaded nightmare is still in your eyes. Just like any another time, it was not just a nightmare. It was yet another home draw. 

Form guide is pretty much like your college report card. The higher the D, the worse your situation is. And Manchester United have been nothing but D. Like a low-grade pornographic movie, they do turn on their fans only to disappoint them due to lack of genuine class.

 

 

Home is where the heart is, or where the goal isn’t? When Mourinho took charge of the Red Devils, many expected the Portuguese to rekindle his Stamford Bridge spirit. Oh wait, the luxury suite in a grand hotel is no way the home he craves. His Old Trafford record is as poor as pineapple on pizza. It just does not work.

Mourinho, the master manipulator has done a lot many things in his football career but right now, he is looking to achieve something that Red Devils fans will seldom want. The manager is already making inroads into losing his dressing room, which he always does in his third season. The Mourinho clock is in super fast mode and unless the Portuguese slows down, the Red Devils will have to rebuild. But wait, aren’t they already in the rebuilding phase? Well, it has already lasted for nearly 4 seasons.

 

 

Manchester attacking talent is like Andy Stitzer in the movie 40 year old Virgin. They just cannot get the job done now. Van Gaal’s plea for horny players is truly starting to make sense. Despite all the plaudits, Zlatan “the demi-god” is as culpable as his teammates. He has missed 19 clear-cut chances this season, at least 7 more than any other players have. The 1123145th “next Ronaldo” Rashford is proving to be all about hype. Where there is hype, there is performance, well just hype in this case. Rashford’s poultry return of 3 goals in 24 matches is unenviable. He is young and is no way ready to lead the line for Red Devils. Rooney is a waning force. Martial is hung-over from his disastrous Euro experience. Oh did we tell you? United have the worst conversion rate in the top flight, in terms of clear-cut chances converted. Not a surprise really.

 

 

Julian Nagelsmann, the 29-year-old superstar is setting Rhein-Neckar-Arena on fire. He is nicknamed as Baby Mourinho. It is surely time that Mourinho Sr. learns from this coaching prodigy. Hoffenheim are looking unbeatable at home this season and their recent victory against Bayern Munich was impressive to say the least. Their form guide at home has more W than D.

 

 

In 9 home draws this season, Manchester united have scored only 6 goals taking 172 shots. It points to almost 30 shots per goal and a conversion percentage that is poorer than a possibility of apocalypse.

 

 

It will be puerile to rule out Mourinho’s men based on this season but one can sense that the aura of invincibility that used to surround the Old Trafford of past is well and truly gone. If you are a football team and if you are planning to take a break from all the negativity surrounding the game, make sure you visit the Old Trafford. They always give you a point as a gesture of kind hospitality.

A point for everyone indeed.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Put your hands together for one of the useless unbeaten run in the history of football.

 

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